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About Deviant LenaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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deviation in storage by yuliya



United States
Current Residence: Arizona
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Small
Favourite genre of music: I'm a cheater; I like ALL of it HAR HAR
Favourite photographer: Zane hahaha
MP3 player of choice: If it plays music, I like it
Shell of choice: Snail
Skin of choice: The kind i always wear
Favourite cartoon character: Nny :)
Personal Quote: "Don't harsh my mellow"
I don't know why I even type here anymore. No one ever reads these. But for anyone who might have passing curiosity:

I'm done. I have to put away my pencils and throw away the old sketches. It's time I faced reality. I have no talent, I have no imagination, and I have yet to find my purpose in life. Who knows? I might not have one.

I can't say that I'm happy (Who would be? I had to crush my damn dream), but I'm not looking for sympathy or even for anyone to read this. I've been told I'm a selfish person- so I did this for myself mostly. I did it for closure. So I could tell myself this is the end. But again, who knows? Maybe in the future- heck- maybe tomorrow, I'll reboot my denial and keep the dream alive. But it doesn't matter. Even if I keep drawing, writing, or shouting creative words at passerby, I'll keep in mind that I'm no one special- and I won't keep my hopes up.

Everything in my life is managing to fall apart. I losing everything and everyone that truly matters due to pure chance and my own damn stupidity. I will never be able to forgive myself for a few more recent incidents... But those people in my life deserve better than what I am. The best-and hardest- thing for me to do now is to find the strength to walk away and let myself fade from memory.

But I gotta make things better somehow. In any way I can. If what I'm doing is the wrong way to fix things, then at least I can say I tried. That I did so because I care about them. At least I have one good thing I can say about myself.

I don't know what happens next. I have one last poem I'm writing- more closure- and I will probably post it if I don't riddle it with cuss words to call myself. I need it so I can do what I'm doing with this entry, read it over and learn in case I'm ever trusted by anyone again. So I don't mess it all up. So I can stop being lonely.

I don't know where I'm going, but I can't help but look forward to whoever I meet along the way.
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: The Only Exception by Paramore

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Moth-called-Marigold Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2010   Photographer
Akogare Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2009
Thank you for the fave. It's much appreciated. c:
diegokman Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
Hey, thank you very much for the :+fav:!! :D
Essers Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
thx for the fav ^^
priteeboy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thankyou for faving some of my deviations
inkblort Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks very much for the watch :tmnt4:
Treliquim Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2008
But I bought the eggs 2 days ago!!!
Forsight00 Featured By Owner May 29, 2008
Hey! You've been tagged!
The rules are:
1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged
Forsight00 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2008

tell me what you think
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