Jynk

I don't know why I even type here anymore. No one ever reads these. But for anyone who might have passing curiosity:

I'm done. I have to put away my pencils and throw away the old sketches. It's time I faced reality. I have no talent, I have no imagination, and I have yet to find my purpose in life. Who knows? I might not have one.

I can't say that I'm happy (Who would be? I had to crush my damn dream), but I'm not looking for sympathy or even for anyone to read this. I've been told I'm a selfish person- so I did this for myself mostly. I did it for closure. So I could tell myself this is the end. But again, who knows? Maybe in the future- heck- maybe tomorrow, I'll reboot my denial and keep the dream alive. But it doesn't matter. Even if I keep drawing, writing, or shouting creative words at passerby, I'll keep in mind that I'm no one special- and I won't keep my hopes up.

Everything in my life is managing to fall apart. I losing everything and everyone that truly matters due to pure chance and my own damn stupidity. I will never be able to forgive myself for a few more recent incidents... But those people in my life deserve better than what I am. The best-and hardest- thing for me to do now is to find the strength to walk away and let myself fade from memory.

But I gotta make things better somehow. In any way I can. If what I'm doing is the wrong way to fix things, then at least I can say I tried. That I did so because I care about them. At least I have one good thing I can say about myself.

I don't know what happens next. I have one last poem I'm writing- more closure- and I will probably post it if I don't riddle it with cuss words to call myself. I need it so I can do what I'm doing with this entry, read it over and learn in case I'm ever trusted by anyone again. So I don't mess it all up. So I can stop being lonely.

I don't know where I'm going, but I can't help but look forward to whoever I meet along the way.

Yeahh... When I really should be doing my AP Biology final, I'm too busy being a drawin' fool. So I created more icky doodles to burn your retinas with. Expect to see new pictures soonish now that summer break is almost here. I figure if I have a deviantart account I might as well fill the gallery as well as I can. Especially since my parents are cool with my future career involving art and my dad has determined that I better get started as soon as possible. Well, I can only get better, eh?

In the mood that I'm in, I will most likely be desperately trying to produce art as a distraction from the serrated thorns in my mind. I can't guarantee that the results will be pleasant. The monstrosities I post will probably be sick or "emo".

Just thought I'd warn anyone who might care.

I submitted a piece of art finally. It's not perfect, but I think if I waited for perfection, I would never get anything done. So here's what I got.

I wish I could put it in color xD

Hopefully I will be able to submit more, submit better, and re-submit what I already have in color.

But we'll see.

Today the people of my town lost our beloved chemistry teacher and athlete, Mrs. Cynthia Pool. She died in Montana after being hit by a car while riding her bicycle, which is something she loved passionately.

She was one of the only teachers I have ever had who cared about my grades rather than her payment. She tried hard to make sure that I did not fail her tests and she offered help whenever I was depressed.

We all loved Mrs. Pool though quite often we didn't treat her fairly. Our class often took advantage of her kindness and I honestly wished we had shown her better how much we cared before it was too late.

Please, if you are reading this, take a moment of silence for the best Chemistry teacher the world has known and every other person hurt in a bicycle accident. Be sure to let everyone who has ever made you smile, or touched your heart, know how much you care about them. You never know how much time you have left to do that. Smile at someone every day and do what you can to help others. It is true that you never know exactly what you have until its gone.

Mrs. Pool, thank you for everything you have done for us! You will be missed and know that we are taking our time to cherish the memories of you and all that you have done fore us. Keep riding, Mrs. Pool!

R.I.P. Cynthia Pool